My First Love Broke My Heart Again
me and my ex dated off and on for four years during high school. he became one of my best friends and we used to be together all the time. my senior year of high school all i wanted to do was have fun and experience other things, he was in college and apparently all he ever talked about was me. i strung him along because i used to tell him i liked him, but i didnt want a relationship yet, i kept breaking his heart because he would always hear rumors about me being with other guys. we eventually stopped talking as much and then he started dating this other girl. it took me a couple months to realize it but i really regret messing things up with him, i loved him, we loved eachother and he treated me like gold. i really want him back and ive tried hard by sending him messages trying to tell him how stupid i had been and stuff. i try to keep in contact with him, but its always me sending stuff. a couple months ago i started dating this new guy i met at college, and all i ever feel like im doing is comparing him to my ex. im always telling my ex how im never really happy. and he knows about my new boyfriend. lately though it kinda seems as if my ex isnt as happy as he makes himself out to be, although he wont admit it, its just this feeling in the way he says some stuff. i think hes really scared of me hurting again, but i realized all the **** i put him through and really would never do that to him again. i feel like such a horrible person to have hurt him in the first place. i just really want him back, and i dont know what else to do. i dont want to keep sending him messages cause i feel like that just makes me seem desperate and annoying. is there anything i can do? or do i just have to wait it out? i told him i would always be around whenever he decided to come back. i think i would be sad about ending things with my new bf, but if it meant getting to be with me ex again i would do it in a heartbeat.i just dont want to break my bf's heart because he really does care for me too, and i care for him aswell. help!!
#2
13 years ago
Well you already gave a guaranteed that you'll be there for your ex, and you said your not happy in your current relationship. I would say just casually talk to your ex as friends would try to increase your interest in some things about what he's doing, but dont go to the extent that makes you seem like your stalking or something.
#3
13 years ago
i broke my mans heart 4 times and now i understand how good he was to me. i felt so stupid and now im phisically hurting in my heart. the stupid thing was he openly told me that he loved me and for about 4 months he had no one else but me.i had never been in love before so i didnt know what to expect and now i cry myself to sleep every night and dream of looking into his beautiful blue eyes and kissing his perfect lips over and over again.i hate love songs because they remind me of him.his sandy blond hair reminds me of the beaches of my beloved homestate california. the sad thing is he knows nothing of my feelings and thinks i hate him. as far as i know he moved on or he is afraid to tell me how he feels for fear of rejection.his name is will and mine is alyssa the heartbroken. i wish he would come back to me. ☹️.he still texts me and i find myself wanting him more and more.this cold **** life *****
#4
12 years ago
Are you me??? haha really this is exactly what I've been struggling with, my I messed things up with an amazing boy 3 years ago and I now have a loving boyfriend that I just doesn't make me feel the same way that this other boy did...and I would too drop him in a heartbeat if I knew my Ex would take me back which is awful but true I know how you feel...
Enough about me though, I know you are probably feeling guilty for hurting your ex, guilty that you may hurt your current boyfriend, but I've learned to try to live in the moment with your current boyfriend and not to let yourself fall into thinking about the past and how much you loved eachother
I did this, I made a big mistake and i think I became more obsessed with the idea of my ex and our previously love and how happy i was than him at the moment...but i know its hard no matter how hard you try you'll never forget your first love ( its proven by psychologists!)
I think now that he knows you would take him back you should work on sort of starting over if that makes sense? how did you act with him before you were really close? Just work on winning him over again in a casual way =)
Good luck I hope it works out for you!
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#5
12 years ago
☹️ my story is almost the exacts same even the hair is blonde. He liked me for such a long time and broke up with him he still talks to me but every time i see him or talk to him i miss him more i just dont have the guts to say i like him
#6
12 years ago
I think as others wisely stated, you should try to reintigrate that friendship you know can be great.
Connecting on an open level like that with no hidden agendas will inevitably bring what is or isn't meant to be to the forefront.
Apologies in advance for a quick highjack of this post, but having a few insightful ladies in one place is to good an opportunity to pass up.
I have initiated no contact after a breakup (her decision) and things were left on a civil and amicable level after my silly begging phase and a few cool down days, I just disappeared.
Is it possible she could she be resisting the urge to contact me even if she still felt for me as more time ticks by?
#7
12 years ago
Well why are you in the relationship you are now if you have feelings for your ex at all? It doesnt matter if you care for your boyfriend thats not being very fair to him and it sounds like your doing the same thing to him that you did to your ex so he probably thinks you havent changed much.
#8
12 years ago
i hurt my boyfriend really bad he says he carnt even look at me right now for something i said out of anger and hurt i dont know what to do i feel so guilty carnt stop crying i never ment what isaid i fear i have lost him forever which makes me want to curl up and die coz i love him sooooooooo much .
#9
12 years ago
I'm going to put my $.02 in on this subject from the guy's perspective. Currently, my situation is very similar to the very guys you are writing about. My ex and I broke up because she needed some space to figure herself out, however she kept coming back to me. I got strung along for 3 months and 3 different guys. Having to hear about them from her was Hell. Nonetheless, I was there for her every time she needed me. I never turned her down, even though in my head I felt like the backup guy. She kept telling me she loved me, though. She kept telling me she knew that we would end up together again, and on my birthday even told me she knew she'd marry me one day. I put in a ton of effort over those 3 months to show her how great of a guy I am and would be to her again. I love her more than anything. I was the only one wanting to work on the relationship. The truth is, she only came to me when she had nobody else to comfort her. I was like a last resort. So here I was putting in all this effort and getting nothing back.
This brings me to my main point.. If you truly feel like you want him back and want to repair things, then you need to start putting in the effort. I know for a fact that if my ex came to me saying the things you're writing in this forum that I would be extremely weary to believe her after what she's put me through since the break up. Do you honestly expect him to jump right in and put his heart on the line again? He may be short sentenced or whatever, but you need to prove to him that you've figured yourself out and are willing to work just as hard as he is and truly do want this. If you try your absolute hardest to get to know him again and show interest, he may very well warm up to you again. I know that if my ex did this for me I would absolutely take her back after working it all out. If you truly did love then there isn't much that can remove that from the heart.
#10
12 years ago
I agree with woodc5. If my recent ex were to try to work things out as hard as I was (I'm done trying now) than I would really consider it mainly because of the great bond that we had. The point is, if you want someone you have to work at it too. A relationship can't be 100-0. It has to be 50-50; both people need to put effort into the relationship or getting back together in order to make it work. If you play hard to get too hard then they'll move on because you're not showing any signs of liking them or wanting to be with them. Obviously after a breakup when you hurt someone they will be like a scared puppy it will walk up to you very cautiously because it doesn't know what will happen and it doesn't want to get hurt [again].
#11
12 years ago
yes..that is entirely possible. Of course, it's impossible to know for sure, but as a woman who has and still is in this position, I can vouch for that (really do want contact from him and really do want to contact him but feel I can't..too scared to do so)
#12
12 years ago
I disagree chev relationships need to be 100-100
#13
11 years ago
i really don't know if this is true but you sound like you go from one person to the next. if you really wanted your ex back then you wouldn't be sad about losing the current one. i think you should wait it out. don't be temped or get into a drunken stupor and bother him. you already expressed yourself. you always had the ball in your court, its time to let him have the ball in his court. you will get your answer (if he responds or not) and you can go from there. take it from someone who has been there. i still think about him sometimes but i always wish that he is happy. sometimes that is all you can do.
#14
11 years ago
☹️ im in the same boat i broke up with my bf said some awful things i didnt mean we broke up coz of his family he carnt understand why i would that they have some problem with me and ive only met the once it went well they are always slagging me off being nasty he wouldnt stand up for me so i walked away i didnt want him choose between me and them coz that not fair . iknow it hurts i miss him so much but think ive lost hom forever he wont talk to me or anything . i really thought i was doing the right thing not making him choose was i wrong?
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#15
11 years ago
You did the right thing, do not second guess yourself. If your boyfriend truely loves you, he will choose, it may not be today, but that is if her truely loves you, if not he will continue to act strange.
You do not need the stresss of in-laws, trust me, that can break up any relationship.
You are doing the right thing. Yes you are going to miss him, it's natural, but you will be fine, trust me.
#16
11 years ago
for futer advice make sure you don't love him/her before you try to move on I'v been here on the other end and its not a good feeling to feel like an object being thrown around.
#17
11 years ago
😊 thankyou you are right x
#18
11 years ago
I'm in the situation where I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, and in that time I broke up with him twice. The first time he really missed me and took my back straight away after only 2 weeks. It was good but I never let myself sort the problems out and so it happened again.
This time I know what I want, I know I have sorted out what was wrong in my head, and I know I want to be with him more than anything in the world.
He said that he still loves me, and that he wants to be with me. He said that every time he looks at me he just wants to kiss me, and he even did kiss me only to say sorry he shouldnt have done that. But because he's been so hurt he can't commit to me, or trust me that I won't do it again. This is fair enough, and I really respect him as a person for doing this. But I know I would never break up with him again, at least not unless a new problem arose. We both agreed that our relationship was never just a uni thing, and wanted it to last longer.
My question is, how do I prove this to him? How do I make it more than just words? I'm not going to harass him or message him constantly, but I have to do something to make him believe me. I know he wants to. But just can't.
#19
11 years ago
What if you tell him how sorry you are and you completly set all the cards on the table, tell him you will do anything and everything it takes to make it up to him. And he takes you back, but doesn't really seem like he's into it really... never texts or calls, or wants to hang out & completly refuses to talk about how he's feeling. He says everything is fine and that its in my head ☹️ don't know what i should be doing. Is it over?! should i just give him time, and if soo... how much time?!
#20
11 years ago
Time is relative in situations like these. After he has restored you back to the original position, it will take him some time to rebuild his trust in you. Even though he has taken you back, he may not be into it, or it may take him some time to warm up.
Folks are like that, some bounce back easily and others take a long time.
#21
11 years ago
Hell ya'll sound like me.....I fell in love with a guy named Colton(my friend of several years) and we were great together and in a short time i fell so in love with him. We are just alike and he loved me too. But after allot of extinuating circumstances things got bad, he blew me off a few times adn i got hurt and one day it all got to be too much and i broke up with him. I started dating my friend AJ cause he was there for me but I realize that I still love Colton with all of my heart and would crawl back if I could but he doesn't seem to feel anything. At least he doesn't act like it, Colton and i are both poetic and such but AJ is nothing like me, he's just friendly. I kind of feel like I lost a forever love; my heart hurts so much and I know AJ has to see how much i'm hurting cause he's intuitive when he wants to be. But I just don't want to break his heart...... I keep wishing and crying for Colton; my heart just feels like it has been torn apart and I just force myself to keep going every day, I smile , I laugh and I tell AJ I love him but I love Colton more. I just want Colton back soooo bad; even though (as my friends keep bringing up) i'm 6' tal and he's 5' 6" - 8" idk really........ But I really feel like hell because of what I did and I want him back so bad
#22
11 years ago
Ok so I have a question.... I broke up with the guy I was dating 6 months ago but now I want him back more than ever. Not out of desperation but because I would rather fight with him about the little things and love him then ever love again. What is my best move to make the best move to make?
#23
11 years ago
Write him a letter, explaining the essence of your love to him, do not be afraid, love deserves that. I am not going to ask why the break up? I will just say to you that the reciprocating of his love is not dependent on the letter, but on him, but say your truth, if not accepted then move on.
#24
10 years ago
Wow I'm going through a similar situation as the other girls and it was so great to hear it from a guys perspective...so thank you =) Very Reassuring...
#25
10 years ago
I've been in a similar situation.... I broke this guy I was datings heart... We dated for a few months and he asked me to be his gf and I was goin through my own problems and I told him ill think about it and I never gave him an answer... And I didn't hear from him months later when he decided to call me and we went out a few times and I didn't hear from him for after a year or so and he dissapeared on me again... After 2 years I ran into him at a store when I was with my bf at the time I decided to go up and talk to him but we didn't exchanges numbers... After that day I realized that I still have feeling for him but there was no way to get in contact with him... I didn't have his number, I didn't know where he lived and he didn't have a Facebook or MySpace... I decided to look him up on the internet and found his address so I past by and saw his car there... It took me a few weeks figuring how I was goin to approach him... One day I decided to drop off a present and a note with my number in his mailbox... 3 days later he called me and we started talking again for a couple of months until he dissapeared and I didn't hear from him again... 2 years later I had a dream about him and I realized that I love him and I always had but I was scared that he was going to run away again... But I took my chances and I told myself the 5th time is a charm and mailed him a letter and he called me the day he received it and we've been together ever since... I too
my chances to got the love of my life back... If I never took another shot i would regret not knowing wat will happen... I say take ur chances and find out now rather than not knowing at all... I took my chances after 5 years and it worked out great for me!
#26
10 years ago
Oh... And I also forgot to mention that when I mailed a letter to the love of my life I had a bf at the time of a year and a half but i broke it off because I realized that I loved him but I wasn't in love with him and our relationship was working out and I didn't want to ruin things between me and the guy I really loved...
#27
10 years ago
you did what you had to do, just make sure it doesn't become a habit, but at least your conscience is free.
#28
10 years ago
Wow, Mz. Dior, I'm blown away by your story. For how long have you now been with the love of your life?
And, would you mind sharing anything about what you wrote in the letter you sent?
#29
10 years ago
thank you sooooooooo much this has helped me a lot and i'm going 2 go and get my ex back
#30
10 years ago
Me and him have been together over a year now... Things are going great 😃 He proposed to me not that long ago and I said yes of course! I already lost him once and I'm not willing to lose him again...
On the letter I sent him a letter saying I know its been a long time since we talked or seen each other and I know hope he is doing well and I miss him alot. And I left him my phone number and asked him to give me a call. I told him if he doesn't then I would understand.
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Source: https://www.relationshiptalk.net/i-broke-his-heart-but-now-i-want-him-back-1012632.html
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